So I just spent the last hour doing something I haven’t done in months. I just tried on every single piece of clothing I own trying to decide what to wear on a “date” tonight. I say “date” because it’s been so long since I’ve been on an actual date, I’m not even sure what qualifies as a date anymore. In this specific instance, tonight’s plans might be either date, hang out or booty call. Actually date is probably the least likely of those three options. Nonetheless I’m nervous like hell. This post is complete rambling and I just paused mid-sentence there to go and change my outfit one more time. My solution for calming my nerves has been a glass of port and listening to the Lumineers. And can I just say, IT’S NOT WORKING! I don’t have a good reason for being nervous though. I’m not sure what I want from this guy anyways. I just met him on the weekend through some mutual friends that have been telling me for weeks that they want me to meet their friend because they think we’d hit it off. He’s cute, he’s fun. Not a lot of info to go on. We all had some drinks together, ended up going out and then there was a little DFMO (dance floor make out). Haven’t done that since I was…22? What’s that song by the Lumineers? Classy girls don’t kiss in bars like this? Exactly. Although actually I find that song horribly sexist. Anyways, I titled this post ‘dislikes’ because I was thinking about how much I dislike first dates. Isn’t that tragic? First dates are supposed to be fun right? But they just torture me. In the first place, not knowing whether they’ll even ask you to hang out. Then trying to figure out if it’s a date or something else. Then trying to decide what to wear. Like I couldn’t even decide which socks to put on. No really. SOCKS. Then when you meet up there is the awkward small talk. Which I am so bad at. Instead of port I should be power hydrating because otherwise my throat goes dry and I trip all over my words. But then I’m getting up every ten minutes to pee and that’s almost more awkward. It only becomes worth all the agony if they conversation spins out into something awesome where you find you have so much in common and a million things to talk about and he’s funny and interesting and he asks all the right questions and understands your jokes and his smile is devastating (I already know he’s got that last one covered). But if it doesn’t spin out that way, then it could go a few other ways. Forced conversation and fake smiles until a polite amount of time has passed and you can make your excuses to leave. Or, since we’re having wine at his place, I could find out that he was just intending a booty call. If he makes a move like that, then I have to make a quick decision to go for the random hook up or not. I’m not really a random hook up person though. I have tried. Told myself that’s what my twenties were for. But it’s just not me. So if that’s where this evening goes then I will probably make my excuses and disappear or attempt to go back to small talk. Which never works. And then he will either be put off entirely or even more intrigued because now I’m hard-to-get. I am intriguing for so many more reasons than that though, so when someone is interested primarily for that reason alone, I’m like, “yawn, no thanks.” I need to leave in like, 2 minutes. I wish this was a climbing date. I’m awesome when I climb. Because it already makes me feel strong and confident so I’m like, gimme that first date and watch what I do with it! And I wouldn’t agonize about what to wear on a climbing date because guess what, I look awesome in leggings and my favourite ripped-up POS t-shirt. Ok in my last 30 seconds of writing time here…my other big dislike about first dates is the inevitable question: what are your hobbies? I don’t just dislike that question, I HATE that question. My hobbies are not x, y, z sports that are socially acceptable answers. My hobbies are writing an anonymous blog with my best friend, singing all the time, talking too fast, oversharing, reading feministing.com, reading apartmenttherapy.com, reading anything and everything, getting overly emotional about So You Think You Can Dance, thrifting, only cooking from recipes, writing terrible poetry and climbing. The only one of those that doesn’t sound super awkward to share on a first date is climbing. And we’ve already talked about that.

Shit, now I’m late. Wish me luck.

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One thought on “dislikes

  1. Ohhh my gahd. I thought I was the only one who had serious meltdowns before dates. I’ve been on like 7 or 8 dates in the last 6 months and let me tell you: THEY DON’T GET ANY EASIER. At all. I kept being like “Oh, once I get one or two out of the way, it’ll be a piece of cake.” Naw. So. Awkward. You just gotta deal. It’s one of those “life isn’t fair” things. I have a first date on Saturday and after reading this, I feel a tad bit better that someone, somewhere is doing the same thing. Good luck!

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